Last night, laying in bed, after a long (but great) family day, my husband and I were discussing how tough it is for me to be pregnant. I thank God daily for the joy and love that I have in my heart for this sweet growing baby…because this sweet growing baby makes me feel like DIRT 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And no, in case you are already solving my problem for me (thanks for trying!), my morning (correction: all day) sickness will probably not go away at the end of the first trimester, because it certainly did not with Jack. (I’m not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic. If it does go away in a week or two, I will be the happiest pregnant woman in the world! Until then…I’m not holding my breath & counting the days.)
Anyway, I am grateful for the joy and love that I already have when I think about this little life growing inside me, because it helps me get through the constant nausea and fatigue. In addition to the love and joy, food really helps. For the past two weeks, crab specifically is the food that helps. No, no, don’t judge me, and start thinking (or worse, saying!) things like “Pregnant women should be careful about their mercury intake! Fish should be limited to one 4 oz. serving a week!” Etc. etc. etc. I discovered today, after enjoying a delicious crab sandwich at lunch (think loads of crab, avocado, swiss cheese and cream cheese, BACON, on sourdough bread) that crab is chock full of folic acid, B6 (which supposedly helps with morning sickness…yeah…okay….sure) and Omega-3. Wahooo! I need all of those things because don't forget, I am growing a baby. Okay, so back to the purpose of this post, which is that although my heart is full of joy and love, my body feels like dirt while I am pregnant and it is rather discouraging.
last night my husband told me that he loves me even more when I am pregnant
because I LET HIM TAKE CARE OF ME. (Yup, he really is amazing and oh so sweet
and supportive and I am pretty sure I am one of the luckiest women on the
planet). He mentioned that I am more vulnerable when I am pregnant and that he
appreciates it because I allow him to be a servant, and, that as my husband, he
wants to take care of me and to love me by serving me. Seriously. So here I am feeling like dirt, realizing that all the
times in the past 6 weeks when I have been
laying on the floor (trying not to vomit), or rolling down the window while
he’s driving (does fresh air help you not vomit? I always think so), or asking
him to bring me ice waters and wheat thins and more watermelon (definitely
helps you NOT vomit!) he has been happy to help me. Happy to take care of me.
Happy to love me in my vulnerable (also crazy) pregnant state. And that is just
an amazing feeling that makes my heart even more full of joy and love (and that
will definitely help me survive the unknown number of weeks of nausea ahead of
Brown, author of Daring Greatly: How
the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead definitely
understands the necessity of vulnerability in our life (at home, in business,
in relationships). Maybe in the coming weeks as I lie on the couch, growing
larger each day (believe me, I definitely jump on the “I’m eating for two!!!” bandwagon)
I’ll read her entire book and see if it helps me embrace the vulnerability that
I ordinarily avoid at all costs. Until I read it, I think I’ll contemplate this
quote that I love (and see what I can accomplish in the meantime): “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like
courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never
weakness.” (Brené Brown) How do you feel about vulnerability? Let me guess. You don't like it either. Brené definitely figured that one out during her decades of research, concluding, "the difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness."
But today (or tomorrow, or the next day) consider giving vulnerability a shot. Dare greatly as you do something, and see what you accomplish, create, experience, or innovate. And then let me know how it goes for you! Remember, that according to Brené, I will see it as courage and daring, not weakness, regardless of the result.